21 of the Funniest Quotes about England

If you want to experience British sense of humour at its finest, you’ve got to read through these 21 funny England quotes and phrases!

Funny England Quotes- Big Ben

I’ve always found the British sense of humour hilarious. Both my parents are from England, so I grew up watching British sitcoms. Now that I live in England, I finally get to experience that English humour in real life. I thought I’d share with you 20 of the funniest quotes about England that really do sum this country up.

21 Funny England Quotes

Funny England Quotes- Telephone Box

Funniest Quotes about being English

To start things off, here are some of the funniest quotes I found about being English. The English humour is rather honest and self-depricating, which is part of what makes these English quotes so funny!

Funny England Quotes- English Person

“Only in the English countryside could violent death remain something that is ‘cosy'” – Liz Williams from Midsomer Murders

“What other country…could possibly have come up with place names like Tooting Bec and Farleigh Wallop, or a game like cricket that goes on for three days and never seems to start?” – Bill Bryson

I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair. Bill Bayly

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say “Stop, or I’ll say stop again.Robin Williams 

The readiness of the English to apologise for something they haven’t done is remarkable” – Henry Hitchings

“If an earthquake were to engulf England tomorrow, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubble, just to celebrate the event.” – Douglas Jerrold

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.’”– George Bernard Shaw

The English are not happy unless they are miserable.” – George Orwell

Funny British Quotes about Tea

Tea has got to be the one true love of the British. Unsurprisingly, a lot of these funny English quotes are centred around England’s favourite hot beverage.

Funny England Quotes- British Tea

The Englishman who visits Mount Etna will carry his tea-kettle to the top.’”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Can I offer you some tea while you ransack our place?’ Lockwood asked politely.” – Jonathan Stroud

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors.”Alice Walker

Funniest Quotes about England’s Weather

If there is one thing that the English LOVE to talk about, it is the weather. The gloomy weather is another wildly popular topic when it comes to funny quotes about England.

Funny England Quotes- Bad Weather

The sun doesn’t live in England; it comes here on holiday when we’re all at work”Benny Bellamacina

English rain feels obligatory, like paperwork.” – Maureen Johnson

“Well, you’ll be glad to know that scientists have finally explained why we’ve been enduring this rather long spell of disappointing weather. Apparently…we live in Britain.” — Hugh Dennis

“England doesn’t have summer, it has continuous autumn with a fortnight’s variation here and there.” – Natasha Pulley

In the bible, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights- they called it a disaster. In England, we call it summer! – Unknown Source

Funny Quotes about English Food

While cuisine of England may not be the most refined in the world, there is no denying that the Brits love their food. These are some funny quotes about the food in England!

Funny England Quotes- Full English Breakfast

“What? Sunday morning in an English family and no sausages! God bless my soul, what’s the world coming to!” – Dorothy Sayers

“I know I have but the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too.” ― Queen Elizabeth I

To eat well in England you should have breakfast three times a day” – W. Somerset Maugham

English people don’t like to be told ‘enjoy your meal’. They will enjoy their meal if they feel like enjoying it. It is advisable not to command them such things in case they have other plans with their meal, such as preferring to dislike it” – Angela Kiss

In England, there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.’”– Francesco Caracciolo

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Nicola Easterby Bio Image

Hey, I'm Nicola!

I am a travel + food blogger on a mission to discover the best destinations & dishes in the world. Thanks for joining the adventure!

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