21 of the Funniest Quotes about England

If you want to experience British sense of humour at its finest, you’ve got to read through these 21 funny England quotes and phrases!

Funny England Quotes- Big Ben

I’ve always found the British sense of humour hilarious. Both my parents are from England, so I grew up watching British sitcoms. Now that I live in England, I finally get to experience that English humour in real life. I thought I’d share with you 20 of the funniest quotes about England that really do sum this country up.

21 Funny England Quotes

Funny England Quotes- Telephone Box

Funniest Quotes about being English

To start things off, here are some of the funniest quotes I found about being English. The English humour is rather honest and self-depricating, which is part of what makes these English quotes so funny!

Funny England Quotes- English Person

“Only in the English countryside could violent death remain something that is ‘cosy'” – Liz Williams from Midsomer Murders

“What other country…could possibly have come up with place names like Tooting Bec and Farleigh Wallop, or a game like cricket that goes on for three days and never seems to start?” – Bill Bryson

I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair. Bill Bayly

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say “Stop, or I’ll say stop again.Robin Williams 

The readiness of the English to apologise for something they haven’t done is remarkable” – Henry Hitchings

“If an earthquake were to engulf England tomorrow, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubble, just to celebrate the event.” – Douglas Jerrold

The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.’”– George Bernard Shaw

The English are not happy unless they are miserable.” – George Orwell

Funny British Quotes about Tea

Tea has got to be the one true love of the British. Unsurprisingly, a lot of these funny English quotes are centred around England’s favourite hot beverage.

Funny England Quotes- British Tea

The Englishman who visits Mount Etna will carry his tea-kettle to the top.’”– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Can I offer you some tea while you ransack our place?’ Lockwood asked politely.” – Jonathan Stroud

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors.”Alice Walker

Funniest Quotes about England’s Weather

If there is one thing that the English LOVE to talk about, it is the weather. The gloomy weather is another wildly popular topic when it comes to funny quotes about England.

Funny England Quotes- Bad Weather

The sun doesn’t live in England; it comes here on holiday when we’re all at work”Benny Bellamacina

English rain feels obligatory, like paperwork.” – Maureen Johnson

“Well, you’ll be glad to know that scientists have finally explained why we’ve been enduring this rather long spell of disappointing weather. Apparently…we live in Britain.” — Hugh Dennis

“England doesn’t have summer, it has continuous autumn with a fortnight’s variation here and there.” – Natasha Pulley

In the bible, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights- they called it a disaster. In England, we call it summer! – Unknown Source

Funny Quotes about English Food

While cuisine of England may not be the most refined in the world, there is no denying that the Brits love their food. These are some funny quotes about the food in England!

Funny England Quotes- Full English Breakfast

“What? Sunday morning in an English family and no sausages! God bless my soul, what’s the world coming to!” – Dorothy Sayers

“I know I have but the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too.” ― Queen Elizabeth I

To eat well in England you should have breakfast three times a day” – W. Somerset Maugham

English people don’t like to be told ‘enjoy your meal’. They will enjoy their meal if they feel like enjoying it. It is advisable not to command them such things in case they have other plans with their meal, such as preferring to dislike it” – Angela Kiss

In England, there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.’”– Francesco Caracciolo

VISITING ENGLAND? READ THESE POSTS NEXT:

Enjoyed these funny English quotes? Pin this post!

Nicola Easterby Bio Image

HEY THERE, I'M NICOLA!

I am on a mission to discover the BEST destinations & dishes from around the world. Whether it’s hopping on a plane or into the kitchen, come join the adventure!

Banoffee Overnight Oats

Banoffee Overnight Oats

These banoffee overnight oats are a healthy spin on the classic British dessert pie. Featuring layers of creamy oats, caramel, sliced banana, yogurt cream and chocolate shavings, they are going to be your new favourite breakfast! After an overwhelmingly positive...

read more
Botswana Cuisine: 10 Traditional Foods to Try

Botswana Cuisine: 10 Traditional Foods to Try

Everything you need to know about Botswana cuisine, including its history, customs, and the top traditional Botswana foods to try. History of Botswana cuisine Botswana is a landlocked country in Southern Africa that is one of the most sparsely populated in the world....

read more
10 Best Northern Ireland Glamping Spots

10 Best Northern Ireland Glamping Spots

Looking to go glamping in Northern Ireland in 2022? From glamping pods with hot tubs to luxury yurts, these are the 10 best places to go glamping in NI! Northern Ireland is easily one of the most beautiful and underrated places in the world. From its luminous greenery...

read more

READ NEXT:

Vegan Flammkuchen Recipe

Vegan Flammkuchen Recipe

This vegan flammkuchen recipe is a spin on traditional Alsace pizza. Thin, crispy flatbread is topped with vegan crème fraiche, red onion and coconut bacon to make a seriously addictive snack! Flammkuchen (Flammekueche), also known as tarte flambée, is a traditional...

read more
27 Best Babymoon Destinations in Europe (2023)

27 Best Babymoon Destinations in Europe (2023)

If you're planning a European babymoon, get inspired with 27 of the best babymoon destinations in Mediterranean Europe for 2023! If anyone deserves a relaxing getaway, it is expectant moms. Cue the 'babymoon'. It is the perfect excuse to celebrate your pregnancy and...

read more
Biscoff Overnight Oats Recipe

Biscoff Overnight Oats Recipe

If you're a fan of lotus biscoff cookies, you are going to adore these biscoff overnight oats. Creamy oatmeal is combined with spiced cookie butter for a delicious yet nourishing breakfast! I don't know what I enjoy more. Eating lotus biscoff spread straight from the...

read more

READ NEXT:

Matcha Baked Oats

Matcha Baked Oats

If you're a matcha fan, you need to try these matcha baked oats for one. They make for a seriously delicious and nutritious breakfast! Matcha can be a bit divisive. Some people love it, and some people hate it. I remember the first time I tried a matcha latte, I...

read more
Vegan Flammkuchen Recipe

Vegan Flammkuchen Recipe

This vegan flammkuchen recipe is a spin on traditional Alsace pizza. Thin, crispy flatbread is topped with vegan crème fraiche, red onion and coconut bacon to make a seriously addictive snack! Flammkuchen (Flammekueche), also known as tarte flambée, is a traditional...

read more
27 Best Babymoon Destinations in Europe (2023)

27 Best Babymoon Destinations in Europe (2023)

If you're planning a European babymoon, get inspired with 27 of the best babymoon destinations in Mediterranean Europe for 2023! If anyone deserves a relaxing getaway, it is expectant moms. Cue the 'babymoon'. It is the perfect excuse to celebrate your pregnancy and...

read more